Silver Jews were an explorational early 90s to late 2000s indie rock group that thrived mostly on the creative songwriting juices of David Berman. The original line-up of Silver Jews consisted of Berman and Pavement's Stephen Malkmus and Bob Nastanovich - who left after their debut full-length, Starlite Walker but returned for their 2005 album, Tanglewood Numbers.
To many, American Water is the essential Silver Jews album. It encompasses the perfect amount of somber Berman singing with the right amount of story-telling and the right amount of Stephen Malkmus.
Highlights: "Random Rules", "People", "Honky If Your Lonely", "Blue Arrangement", "Smith & Jones Forever"
While this album will never be the Silver Jews album that got me into Berman's stuff, that would be their last album from 2008, Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea, it does feature my favorite Silver Jews song: "Smith & Jones Forever". "Smith & Jones Forever" was the last song that the Silver Jews ever played live - a fact I hope never changes if they ever decide to go on a reunion tour and play something else:
Similar acts/sounds: Pavement, Smog, Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks, Rites of Spring, Bonny "Prince" Billy, Songs: Ohia, Miighty Flashlight, The Modern Lovers, Calvin Johnson, Guided By Voices, and other 90's indie rock music.
There's been a lot of Santa's but none named 'Hulk'.
This complex tale of holiday nonsense also stars: a young Brenda Song, a young Mila Kunis, and the neighbor from That 70's Show (also starring a more grown up Kunis), Don "Bob Pinciotti" Stark.
Because Christmas is really about getting the coolest action figure or having the coolest dad who can kick Santa's frost-bitten ass!
I was going to take this opportunity to write why I genuinely like this movie and how much I can relate to it, but then I figured, what's the use? I know it's bad. It's got Sinbad as a mailman for Christmas' sake! That won't stop me from watching it though.
If you would like to watch someone who at least acts like he hates this masterpiece, I highly recommend you watch the Nostalgic Critic review:
I would definitely watch the Turboman TV show, Doug! I would!
Also: Ironically I think I got a Jake Lloyd action figure for Christmas a few years after this movie came out:
In honor of Halloween, I present NFT's top 6 favorite Goosebumps episodes (and their books)!
Here we go...
6. Welcome to Camp Nightmare
Plot: A kid named Billy is sent to Camp Nightmoon instead of visiting his family for the summer. Unfortunately for him, Camp Nightmoon isn't your average summer camp. Right from the get-go we are introduced to characters that mysterious start to vanish overnight. When Billy asks his hard-ass counselor about his missing cabin mates he just gets scolded for asking questions. When he asks the man running the camp, Uncle Al, he get's the reply that there was never even campers by those names. More questions start to come up as the story moves on like, what or who is taking these missing campers? What's up with the forbidden cabin? And what's really up with Camp Nightmoon?
Best parts: I love camp-themed anything. Especially when people go to camp and shit-goes-down. The twist is probably the most complex even though it's basically a Twilight Zone rip-off but even re-watching it for this list, I didn't see the twist ending coming. Probably one of the twistiest of twists in this here R.L. Stine series.
Memorable bits: Honestly, I don't actually remember this story all that much until I discovered it just before making this list. I remembered there was a few camp related 'bumps tales I watched as a child and the one I was actually thinking of is an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? - a series that was on around the same time Goosebumps started to air. But this story itself impressed me so much even without any nostalgic value that I had to put it on this list. So, here it is.
Campy parts: (Other than R.L. Stine putting the camp in campy)... I don't think they did a very good job with that bad-ass kid with the bandanna and leather jacket. Everyone knows those characters and accessories are reserved for the bullies in the 90's! But no, he was just a friend, and even later on, comic relief. If you are going to put your character in a leather jacket, they gotta be the bully... that's the rules! Also, how did everyone already know each other's names when they've never met before coming to Camp Nightmoon?
Anything else worth noting: In the book version, Uncle Al gives the kids a ride the rest of the way to camp after the bus driver just leaves them in the middle of nowhere, but in the show, they have to walk a mile in the woods.
Plot: One day, a garden obsessive father comes home with two new pieces for his tacky masterpiece of a lawn. The plastic statues standing in the back of pop's flatbed are two tall and ugly lawn gnomes that clearly look like they are up to no good. Turns out they really are up to no good as they start to wreak havoc on the neighbor's - who happens to be some sort of general - spotless yard and garden. Of course, no one's going to suspect that these hideous gnomes that look nothing like small people in plastic outfits as the culprits, so the general starts blaming the son. You know, since young boys are always trying to mess with neighbors' gardens. The son, being the only rational human-being and all, blames it on the gnomes and tries to prove that they are the ones coming to life and FSU-ing all night long...
Best parts: Come on, it's lawn gnomes coming to life and terrorizing stuff! The first time we see the gnomes getting count in the act and how they move and look (even if the gnomes are really campy and just little people in goofy plastic costumes again), it's still kinda creepy. I'll admit it.
Memorable bits: Not sure if this is memorable but did anyone else ever notice how little they used the mom in this episode book? Also, this story reminds me of that All Grown Up episode where someone is stealing all the lawn gnomes in town. Remember that?
Campy parts: The gnomes, The general and his crooked hat, The classic "I didn't do it! I swear" kid and his, "yeah right." sister.
Anything else worth noting: The ending in this story also differs between episode/book. I don't think I read the book but I do remember something about hundreds of slave gnomes trapped in the general's basement or something along those lines.
Plot: It's Halloween and Drew and her friend Walker are pondering what they can do to make this year better as Tabby and Lee (two classic pranksters) have ruined Drew's favorite holiday two years in a row. On Drew and Walker's brainstorming walk home, they run into two of Drew's long lost friends and next door neighbors' Shane and Shana who are in town for the night and have a perfect plan to get back at Tabby and Lee for all the crap they have pulled on Drew. Shane and Shana tell Drew and Walker to invite Tabby and Lee to trick or treat with them and Shane and Shana will cover the rest. So, Drew and Walker hook up with Tabby and Lee for trick or treating with no sign of Shane or Shana anywhere. As the night goes by the group run into two pumpkin-headed figures that know the best spot for candy. What the unsuspecting kids don't know is that the pumpkin heads have brought them to a parallel dimension where you can never stop trick or treating! Are the pumpkin heads Drew's friends? Is this their sick trick to get back at Tabby and Lee? And are Drew's friends even human?
Best parts: The thought: 'what if we could not stop trick or treating?'
Memorable bits: I remember this one pretty well just on the premise that it takes place on Halloween night and while you think you have the twist figured out, Stine goes and twists it up some more! You bastard, you.
Campy parts: While the Goosebumps series weren't by any means memorable for their special effects (was there a kids show in the 90's that was?), the super fake looking pumpkin heads actually worked perfectly for the story since the kids argued that the pumpkin heads are just crappy costumes and got a good spook when they removed one to reveal - dun dun dun - nothing! Unfortunately all the other effects like the talking pumpkin head on the ground and the random orange bolt of lightning were a bit of a miss. I won't even mention when they reveal what the pumpkin-headed friends of Drew actually looked like... Oops.
Anything else worth noting: (Spoiler alert): If the aliens ate those four missing adults, who were those four possessed adults handing out candy in the infinite treat or trick dimension? Also, in the book, the only way to make room for more candy to keep trick or treating was to eat all the candy!
Plot: When a girl (Lucy) leaves her 'blades' at the library after Reading Rangers, she stumbles upon her librarian, Mr. Mortman, partaking in a feast of crickets and tarantulas. He's not just feeding the tarantulas though, he is taking large handfuls of crickets and shoving them into his disgusting librarian face. Lucy continues to watch this hideous act until Mr. Mortman's body turns into... yes... A MONSTER! Unfortunately for Lucy, all her monster bluffs in the past have caught up with her and no one believes her when she tells them she has finally seen a real monster!
Best part: The Girl Who Cried Monster has arguably the best twist in Goosebumps' history. It's by far my favorite twist of any Goosebumps story/adaptation/video game and I dare anyone who has never read or seen this classic Goosebump' before to predict the ending. No, I double dare you!
You'll never get it right.
Memorable bits: Growing up (not that I'm done), I never read/watched Goosebumps for the spooks really. No, I was already into cult horror flix like Stephen King's It and The Leprechaun at the time, not too sound like a cool kid or anything, but I was a bit ahead of my time for my age. What I would really read/watch Goosebumps for - was their twists. The Girl Who Cried Monster was probably one of the last 'bumps books I read and I can still remember it really well. What will always stick in my head from this story, is the twist, of course, but also the way the librarian was described and how much I despised him for some reason. Maybe it wasn't because he was a slimy monster that ate bugs, but rather because he was a librarian. I hate librarians. If I was a monster, I would have eaten him, too.
Campy parts: It's camp-less.
Anything else worth noting: There's a subtle Fahrenheit 451 situation going on this story when Mr. Mortman tells Lucy she should stop reading scary, nonsense stories and start reading more classic novels. This was R.L. Stine's little poke at teachers who thought Goosebumps were not good for children because they didn't teach kids anything. Also, I used to imagine Mr. Mortman was an old lady. I don't know why but I have a feeling it has to do with all the librarians I encountered when I was younger.
Plot: A family of scientists move to a secluded swampy town to study things. The scientists' son, Grady, eventually befriends one of the only kids in town, Will. The kids spend most of their time hanging out in the swamp where the swamp hermit lives. Will informs Grady that the swamp hermit is a werewolf and shouldn't be fucked with and that the swamp is called Fever Swamp because anyone who goes into it soon gets a fever that causes them to do crazy things. One night, Grady and the rest of the family are woken by a howl and scratching at the door. Come to find out that it was just a big dog behind the door the whole time... or at least this time it was...
Best part: This Goosebump' had the potential to be the scariest and most graphic. That is, until I saw the episode adaptation and didn't see any deer guts or blood of any kind. What did I expect though? This is Goosebumps we're talking about. The Werewolf of Fever Swamp is still one of my most remembered stories of the series and, though the twist is not as crazy as The Girl Who Cried Monster, it is still twist. Even if you can figure it out right away. Knowing the twist to this story doesn't ruin the whole thing in this case. That's what makes it such a good story.
Memorable bits: I remember reading this in one day and going back to the library the next day to pick up the episode on VHS. I wanna say it was the closest Goosebumps story out there to gave me the creeps. I think it may have something to do with the woods I had out back behind my house and the time I found what looked like someone's shack. I went in and there was the swamp hermit just waiting for me. I tried to run but it was no use... psych. That never happened. Spooky though, right?
Campy parts: More classic skeptical parents that get proven wrong in the end. Also, why does it seem that the parents in these stories are always scientists or doctors? Goosebumps also always a high likelihood that the story revolves around a family of four and the main character usually just flip-flops between brother and sister. The only 'bumps story I can think of that deals with a single parent and their child's bizarre situation would be, 'Don't Go To Sleep!'.
Another else worth noting: The study the parents were working on was if deer can live in Florida or not.
The real twist: The Swamp Hermit was actually Doc from Back to the Future.
Plot: In an attempt to have a really cool costume for Halloween, Carly Beth looks to an old and run-down but newly-opened novelty shop. Unfortunately, the shop is closed when she gets there but for some reason she is let in my the shop owner. Inside, Carly stumbles upon a back room filled with freakishly realistic masks - one of which she has to have. The shop owner refuses to sell her the masks, however, so Carly grabs the mask, throws her money at the man, and dashes for the door. That night for trick or treating, Carly has the scariest mask and knows it. Along with the mask, she carries around a plaster head on a stick her mom made for her. Coolest costume in town right? Well, come time to remove the mask, Carly is unsuccessful! The mask is stuck to her face and won't come off! Uh oh. What now...? Dun dun dun..
Best parts: The Haunted Mask is the Goosebumps book I first think of when I think "Goosebumps". It's an essential Goosebumps story that also takes place on Halloween!
Memorable bits: For me, The Haunted Mask is probably the most memorable book cover of the Goosebumps series. It's just a classic must-read/must-see Goosebump'. If you didn't read this book or watch the episode when you were a kid, you are truly missing out, my friend. I would even go as far as saying that you are not a true 90's kid even if you were born in the 90's for not reading or watching The Haunted Mask. Which sucks for you since being a 90's kid is clearly the best kind of kid you can be. I would know. The internet told me so.
Campy parts: Not too many that I can think of other than that creepy plaster head Carly carries around that is supposed to be very fragile.
Another else worth noting: Rumor has it that the actress who played Carly Beth actually ate a real sandwich filled with real worms. Also, I can't help but be reminded of Halloween III when I watch this episode. For all those who haven't had the pleasure of seeing Halloween III: Season of the Witch, it's the one without Michael Myers and all the must-have Halloween masks will magically turn the kids into monsters on Halloween night! Or kill them... I can't remember.
I did a little research before putting this list together (but already had my favorites in mind) and noticed that ThatGuywiththeGlasses.com also has a list of the best Goosebumps books hosted by CR in his 'Familiar Faces' series. Turns out, CR and I have a lot of the same favorites! the video he made's kinda corny, but also very nostalgic. Check it out!
Well, my summer is officially over and I'm headed off to school to do adult stuff and whatnot. Before I head up for a week of isolation (and maybe more/hopefully not more) though, I would like to leave you with this special little treat. It's the 90's masterpiece, The Adventures of Pete & Pete and the ultimate episode for summer's demise entitled, "What We Did on Our Summer Vacation". Because, in life, all you really need is... a Blue Tornado bar.
From a man with an ice cream swirl on his head.
Hope everyone is still having a safegood whatever kind of summer... just because you're going back to school or whatever doesn't mean it's over seasonally. Remember that.
...and Nostalgia For Tomorrow will be back in no time. You have my word.
Harriet The Spy was another one of those long since forgotten post hardcore acts that totally deserved a giant fan base or some kind of music cult following but was never the case unfortunately. Harriet The Spy was also another one of those bands that not only shares its name with some kind of TV/book/movie reference but the exact same name of one. Whether or not these guys took the name from Harriet the Spy the award winning children's book from the 60's or right from the Nickelodeon movie adaptation in 1996 starring Michelle Trachtenberg and the one and only Rosie O'Donnell - or even - weren't aware of such book and rather thought they were being clever history buffs and came up with Harriet The Spy after Harriet Tubman who just so happened to be a spy. Damn right she was...
But yeah... who knows which is true.
Harriet The Spy, the band, from Kent, Ohio and their only album released aside from some 7inches and splits, Unfuckwithable features noisy instrumentation and post punk, straight out of the 90's vocals (if that is even really a thing).
Similar acts/sounds: Plunger, Native Nod, Fugazi, Q And Not U, Mohinder, Still Life, Faraquet, Chokebore, Huak, Assfactor 4, Antioch Arrow, and... none of those acts.
Wikipedia fun fact: The pilot episode of Hey Arnold! was played during the airing of Harriet the Spy when it came out in theaters!
[Editor's Note: I don't know what's up with the white highlighted text. It's very bothersome and I'm not sure how to fix it/where the problem is/why it is doing that. I apologize if it is also an eyesore for you or if you do not see it and I'm going crazy.]
Clarissa Explains It All was an early 90's hit TV series on Nickelodeon starring Melissa Joan Hart (probably better known by the kids now a days as Sabrina, The Teenage Witch) as the sassy Clarissa Darling, who yes, explains it all. Every fucking thing. Along with Clarissa, is Sam Anders, a young man who sneaks in to her room late at night with his trusty ladder, a dastardly tool into a woman's heart as well as her panties and the parents never once catch him with it or in the act. Sam is everything I have ever wanted to be. Clarissa is everything I have ever wanted. What is there more to like? The show lasted for 5 whole seasons - which in kids show numbers is really only like 65 episodes.
Clarissa Explains It All was/is also the name of a band from San Francisco that sound just like they were from the goofy time historians cleverly named the 90's due to it occurring just after the 80's. Though these gentlemen did not release the small amount of work they had recorded in the time before the 2000's, it definitely seems like these guys took some notes from the 90's emo/indie rock scene at their rock 'n' roll high school. Others though could argue that they may have skipped all their classes there and just made up something totally new and completely out there all on their own. They didn't even attend the part of the class were the teacher taught you how to make up cool bands, maybe like 'word followed by numbers' or 'color + cool word', so they just stole one from a 90's Nick flick that they watched like once at their cousin's house after his bar mitzvah or something. You're guess is as good as mine.
Anyways, here's the band Clarissa Explains It All and their first demo... also known as the Jonathan Lipnicki demo... and their extended play (yeah, that's what that stands for), IDK 3D EP
If there's one thing for sure, it's that these guys sound a lot like Rainbow Tornado (posted them yesterday). That's no coincidence however, seeing as they both feature the vocal stylings of Ray. I don't think I really have any way of explaining what his vox sound like and neither could Clarissa for that matter.
Clarissa Explains It All - IDK 3D EP (2010)
I'd have to say that the demo stuff is my favorite. Especially with the random lyrics and catchy as all get out repeated lines that Chalk Talk is big on and totally sweet. Their EP still has a lot of moving parts and all that but lacks the memorabilia that the demo has. Every song asks a very important question like "who put the drugs in my drink/do I owe you money or was that for free?" or "what pet should I get?" or "why would you eat sunflower seeds?". There's even songs about being kidnappers and being thrifty. Everyday problems since the 90's for sure.
Whether these guys are still playing together is a mystery to me. It would be awesome if they were though!
Similar acts/sounds: Rainbow Tornado, Oh My God Elephant, Chalk Talk, Adam & Naive, Palmkite, Footnotes, Mane Horse, tussin, Hawkward, Girlfriends, Pachangacha, Kickball, and... look it how cool all those bands are.... damn...
Kolya were a late 90's emo band from the midwest that featured narrative type vox and slint like instrumentation. The band has since broken up but their spirit still lives on in mediafire links, lucky fans who have had the chance to grab up their physical copies and music forums, blogs and Last.fm. After breaking up, members went on to form the short lived band, The Union Ares and I'm not sure what happened to them after that. I will say though, that with only two 7inches and self-titled LP they released, this band and their music is something to not forget about or let get lost in the ends of time and space somewhere. I mean it.
Kolya is just one of those bands that you need to hear everything by because, well, there really isn't a lot that exists and all the stuff that does exist is amazing. Their discography only consists of 13 or so songs. A Shame, I know, but it is what it is and what it is, is super good music, especially for fans of Slint, June of 44, Sun Pelt, 90's emo in general and/or narrative spoken word music. Take a listen to the first track I heard from these guys called "Still Life With Candle" from their first 7" released by One Week Records with another song called "Iditarod" below.
The lyrics (and delivery of the lyrics), like the ones in the very beginning, "Are you going to bed yet? I hadn't decided/I might have to go to the bathroom/And I had planned on eating something...", remind me of the song "To A Husband At War" by a slightly different emo band, I Hate Myself except, in Kolya's case, the music and energy builds and builds but doesn't become chaotic. The noise just settles and we never hear Todd Giles (the singer/guitarist) lose his cool. There's no change in the tone. It's really not him who is giving off the full emotion for this "emo" band but the sounds from the instruments on and around him that are giving off this feeling of (emotional) content. A sense of somberness but not sadness. It's that subtleness about them that makes them stand out and goes to show you just how different these guys where than other "emo" bands of their time and the ones now.
Similar sounds/acts: Slint, Native Nod, The Union Ares, June of 44, Bells on Trike, Storm and Stress, Rodan, I Hate Myself, Plunger, and a few other 90's math rock or 90's emo pioneers or influenced acts.
PS: Sorry for the little/bad quality cover art of the 2000 7". It's the best I could find... If you have a better one, please send it my way! Thanks!
Fun (with Wikipedia) facts: Kolya is the nickname for the Russian name, Nikolay as well as a 1996 Czech film.
